you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
