On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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