It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize