Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
