Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
