u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
