Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
