i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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