a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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