i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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