During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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