He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
