good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
