actually, I'm a sock model
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
