The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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