Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
