you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
