i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
