just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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