How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
