I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
