If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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