tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
This is the high leading the old right now
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
