Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
