If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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