Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
