At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
