I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
