Banned from zoo.
Again?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
