haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
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