i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
