very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize