I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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