My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
