I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
