I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
