Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Randomize
