I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
