Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
