I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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