Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just want nice things and good sex
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
