I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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