you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
pop tarts are not kleenex
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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