I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize