she was so not down for the gang bang
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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