You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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