I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize