last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
