Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
