It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
