You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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