Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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