You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
