Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
