I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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