Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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