He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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