Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
