LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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