tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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