If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stickâ€.
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