You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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