I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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