Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
