Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
