what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize