I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
