My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
