making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize