wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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