Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
