Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
