I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
