and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
